Sunday, April 03, 2011

Day 6: Love [Be Gentle, Be Kind]

I have received love in so many ways. Some stated, some unstated. I read the Five Love Languages awhile back and it really hit me that love can be expressed in ways that we don't even understand are showing love: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, physical touch... these are all love. My preferred method of love being shown to me is acts of service... are the dishes clean, the clothes done (correctly). This is the one that is killing me right now, because my husband likes to show love through words of affirmation. "yes, I know you say you love me, but that pile of 'clean' laundry has been there for a week and I no longer have underwear" :) He's a stay at home dad. We met through a set of funny circumstances. My stepmother wanted me to go out on a date with her friends son. First he was not attractive to me at all, even though he was nice, he was 6 years younger than me. Oh and a couple of years later he came out to a set of unsupportive conservative parents.

Instead of going on a normal date this guy took me to an anime/comic book shop. I had just moved back to town after 10 years so while I knew the area, I didn't know a lot of people. I thought I might at least be able to rent some videos. I started going there really frequently and a couple of weeks went by and one of the regulars asked me to go to eat with him and some of the other guys that frequented the place. A different guy needed a ride home after the meal so I took him home. He was so shy he had barely said anything to me before, but with us alone in the car it turned out we had a lot in common and he was so sweet.

The falling in love part was more gradual for me. He said when he first saw me, he knew he wanted to be with me. I had been burned really bad in love and while I was willing to date, I didn't want to commit my heart. Two weeks after we started dating he told me he loved me and I was shocked. But I knew then that he was worthy of my love. When we fight I have to think of who he really is and not judge him all by what he does or doesn't do. He is really my best friend, and best person I could be with--even if he annoys me to the ends of the earth.

 In fact, today he provided an act of love to me. He went to church with me. Our church is doing its annual budget drive and I am helping out as a "visiting steward". I decided as an act of love to each of the people I am going to visit, that I would make a hand made card for them. My favorite one is the plant, grow, nurture one. I have some stamps that look like quilting blocks that I had never used from back when I did mail art.
 This is my next favorite one. I took a card that had a picture of a bunny on it and wrote the word Love kind of sloppy and wrote "It isn't perfect, but we try!!!" around the bunny ears. The picture is a little blurry.

Love isn't perfect but we try. I've been married once before. To a pretty terrific man. He was great at giving crafty gifts--that was absolutely his love language. We've been divorced now for 11 years. He remarried a couple of years ago to a terrific woman--they are a team! Definitely in a way that we were not a team. He was always a dreamer and wanted to be a musician and as evidenced by my love language, it might come as no surprise that I considered a "real" job to be showing his love to me. He wrote a song for me after we broke up that I always forget even though I loved it... but the one thing that will stick with me is a poem he wrote for me when we were still married:

I was in love with you all day--
when you came home
I wanted to breathe inside you
embracing each other inside out
(I'm sorry I had to leave)
I thought about you while
it took too long
when I came home
you were waiting
in love
(dressed for me asleep with blush lips)
when I saw you, I loved you forever
waiting for me with a gentle face
and I nearly cried
in love with you.

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